blueridgemtns: perks of dating me: you can still go out with the bros and i won’t get mad bc i really wouldn’t want to be around me all the time either so i smell what you’re stepping in on that one i like sports i will cook you food* my hair is soft i know how to check the oil in my car *food may or may not be limited to macaroni and cheese and pop-tarts
bean-alchemist: swexan: libraryshalalala: 50shadesofbellamy: I’d just like to point out that 50 Shades of Grey was Twilight fanfic and Twilight was inspired by Muse so when you think about it, it’s kinda because of Muse that 50 Shades was written in the first place oh And Muse came from England which traces its roots back to the Anglo-Saxons and Romans, so really, in the end, Julius...
dampsandwich: the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over to it. there was writing on it in permanent ink. it said: if you pull this down you are gay. no way was i pulling the fire alarm anymore
i never really liked my name much until i found out what it tastes like when you sigh it into my mouth
bedquest: I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH WITH MY OWn mouth softly because i like you
How to break up with someone
You: Your ex is attractive.
Partner: Which one?
fuckinq: i want to kiss someone so so badly
sexualbread: *smells u deeply* u smell like my next friend
unsuccessfulmetalbenders: narutoe: i farted in the apple store and everyone got mad but it wasnt my fault they don’t have Windows get out
thisismy-kingdom-come: sollux: stumblinglove: sollux: I was feelin ok until I realized what tomorrow is Another day without him i was just gonna say monday but ok Wow that got deep.
if a guy stares at ur boobs just stare at his dick maybe squint a little bit
Cosmo sex tip #285
Wanna make her wet? Drown her.
fuckheaded: Clearly she wears those short skirts and skimpy tank tops because she wants the d. and by d I mean vitamin d. she wants to soak up as much sun as she can. because revealing clothes are not an invitation for sex u prick
princesshoff: i just had a dream that macklemore was at my house and he told me that he’d spent all the money he made from Thrift Shop and couldn’t buy food and i said “aw do you need some snacklemore” and he punched me in the face
My name is Junie B. Jones. The B stands for...
not-so-little-cal: an-egg: not having black people in something isnt racist it just means theres no fucking black people sorry no. anything without minorities is racist. look at your bedroom. is there a black man in your closet?? no? racist. how about an asian woman under your bed? no? wow. you must live in the 1950s
takethewesttraintopanicstation: On a scale from Will Smith to Amanda Bynes how much have you changed in the past 10 years
passion: shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? hot as balls